Content Warning: This essay deals with pregnancy loss and grief. This isn’t the essay I thought I would be writing today. I thought perhaps I’d write my first essay of the New Year about my goals for 2022, or the art projects I want to make, or what insightful nuggets I could glean from the mess of 2021.
Oh Christine 😢 I'm so sorry you had to experience that, even though this article proves you're trying to glean some sort of meaning or purpose or any positive something at all from it, which is admirable! You've expanded your human experience and that means a great deal even when its painful- maybe particularly when its painful. I hope you take some time to rest and recalibrate. Thank you for sharing your story as a way of coping and shining some light on something that isn't really talked about. Sending lots of love and positive vibes <3
Christine, thank you so much for sharing your experience. We definitely don't talk about miscarriages enough and I'm guilty of not leaning in enough with those I've known who've had them for fear of overstepping. It was so helpful to hear your first-hand experience and what you needed (and still need). Thank you for processing openly with us!
Christine, I have followed your work and words off and on for a couple of years now, as an author and wannabe artist. I am also a mother, and a woman who has experienced a late-term miscarriage. I, too, was sad and angry. These many years later, I am still sad. I just want to send my thoughts for your healing and recovery. It is very courageous of you to share.
I'm so sorry about your whole horrendous experience, and yet so glad you shared it as I think writing is a very good way to help sort through your feelings. I've been thinking about this subject of sharing - especially the women stuff - a lot lately. Why don't we share more? I guess we don't want to scare those that haven't had miscarriages and/or horrible labors and traumas. But I'm not sure we are collectively supporting one another if we don't share our stories. I know when I probe the just the slightest bit - "How did the labor and delivery go" - for example, I'm often hit with a barrage of really awful stories that mothers seem so happy to be able to say something. At the same time, I wouldn't really want to go into detail about my exceedingly long and painful labors (all 4) and 1 miscarriage with my daughter as she might fear it's potentially hereditary (and she wouldn't be wrong). Because this may cause her to have fear about the whole process when she's pregnant, which could cause exactly what she fears. It's really complicated. Maybe books like Chicken Soup for the Soul where we could share our stories but only those who want to read them could.
Hello Christine…this essay has moved me to tears. I really am so sorry that you went through this. It sounds truly horrifying. I hope you recover from this physically, mentally and emotionally as soon as is feasibly possible. You are very brave to write so honestly about what you went through. Peace and love to you ❤️
I am so so sad to hear you've joined this horrible club. I've had 10 pregnancies - I have 3 children.... This is a very real, deep loss. Grieving is not only allowed, its necessary. Sharing your heart gives others permission to be honest about the depth of pain this causes. You did a brave thing here! I highly recommend the book "Free to Grieve" by Maureen Rank - it helped me tremendously... my miscarriages were 30 years ago, when the world was even more hush hush about this type of loss. Sending hugs and praying for your mama heart and sweet family as you process and recover.
I am sorry to for your loss and I am here grieving with you. Not trying to compare but I relate wholeheartedly to your situation. My husband and I (mostly me)have been going through fertility treatments since I could not get pregnant on my own for years. Last summer I had an ectopic pregnancy (my first pregnancy), and unfortunately the doctors could not stop the growth with medication. I had an emergency surgery and lost one of my tubes. This was around fathers day.
For a while I would cry when I heard one of my friends was expecting. I would get jealous and furious when a colleague told me they got pregnant by accident. I felt horrible for having feelings of animosity toward other couples. I felt I was less of a woman. The doctors and nursing staff were super comforting throughout out this entire process. Before I had my surgeries (I also had my fibroids removed) I had to tell my family (other readers maybe able to relate "we have a tragic surprise to share") because my with fertility treatments included weight gain and with my family medical history my mother was the most concerned for me and my marriage.
Things like this and your situation are not openly discussed and I thank you for your willingness to share. Feel your feelings, and continue to process through them. I know it was hard to share, especially those who are close to you.
*I'm about to cry again*
Here is hoping (when our bodies and minds are ready) we both can try again. Sending love your way.
Hi Christine, I know that NO amount of words - whether deep or flowery - will console you in this moment. But I’m hoping that your support system is as strong as you have been for having the courage and heart to write and post this. I have never experienced this, and like you said, nobody talks about miscarriages & I’m always so afraid to ask. Thank you again for your transparency and I hope this can start your true journey to healing. ❤️❤️
Oooooohhhhh!! Heartbreaking!!! Ooooooooohhhhhhh. (And I suspect every comment you get to this post all brings it back up again. Oh sweetheart. Sigh…) Sending so many hugs and best wishes.
Christine I’m deeply sorry to hear what happened. You were really brave, honest and profound to share such a personal and painful experience with your community. Thank you so much, be proud of yourself, you are a great person and deserve all the best. You have the strength and passion a person need to face and overcome whatever grief. Hugs.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have not experienced miscarriage but it was a small fear in the back of my mind during my first pregnancy.
In all my research and childbirth classes and doula training and prenatal care, miscarriage was barely mentioned. To experience what you described in your essay without any context or prior preparation would be really scary. How do you know what is normal during a miscarriage that looks and feels so extreme and dangerous if no one has ever prepared you for it?
You’re right that it isn’t talked about and probably because for those who have had one, it is extremely difficult to retell and for those who haven’t it’s almost a superstitious taboo, as if speaking of it will invite it into reality. Especially since miscarriages are so common the taboo needs to be lifted so we all have to the tools speak about pregnancy loss, know how to care for ourselves if it happens to us, and support each other during the process.
I hope you continue to heal and process your grief. Best wishes to you and your family.
Glad to see you put words to your feelings, I’m sure that’s an important part of the process of coming to terms with this experience, and you’ve done it very well here:)
Oh Christine 😢 I'm so sorry you had to experience that, even though this article proves you're trying to glean some sort of meaning or purpose or any positive something at all from it, which is admirable! You've expanded your human experience and that means a great deal even when its painful- maybe particularly when its painful. I hope you take some time to rest and recalibrate. Thank you for sharing your story as a way of coping and shining some light on something that isn't really talked about. Sending lots of love and positive vibes <3
Christine, thank you so much for sharing your experience. We definitely don't talk about miscarriages enough and I'm guilty of not leaning in enough with those I've known who've had them for fear of overstepping. It was so helpful to hear your first-hand experience and what you needed (and still need). Thank you for processing openly with us!
Christine, I have followed your work and words off and on for a couple of years now, as an author and wannabe artist. I am also a mother, and a woman who has experienced a late-term miscarriage. I, too, was sad and angry. These many years later, I am still sad. I just want to send my thoughts for your healing and recovery. It is very courageous of you to share.
I'm so sorry about your whole horrendous experience, and yet so glad you shared it as I think writing is a very good way to help sort through your feelings. I've been thinking about this subject of sharing - especially the women stuff - a lot lately. Why don't we share more? I guess we don't want to scare those that haven't had miscarriages and/or horrible labors and traumas. But I'm not sure we are collectively supporting one another if we don't share our stories. I know when I probe the just the slightest bit - "How did the labor and delivery go" - for example, I'm often hit with a barrage of really awful stories that mothers seem so happy to be able to say something. At the same time, I wouldn't really want to go into detail about my exceedingly long and painful labors (all 4) and 1 miscarriage with my daughter as she might fear it's potentially hereditary (and she wouldn't be wrong). Because this may cause her to have fear about the whole process when she's pregnant, which could cause exactly what she fears. It's really complicated. Maybe books like Chicken Soup for the Soul where we could share our stories but only those who want to read them could.
ti abbraccio...
Hello Christine…this essay has moved me to tears. I really am so sorry that you went through this. It sounds truly horrifying. I hope you recover from this physically, mentally and emotionally as soon as is feasibly possible. You are very brave to write so honestly about what you went through. Peace and love to you ❤️
I am so so sad to hear you've joined this horrible club. I've had 10 pregnancies - I have 3 children.... This is a very real, deep loss. Grieving is not only allowed, its necessary. Sharing your heart gives others permission to be honest about the depth of pain this causes. You did a brave thing here! I highly recommend the book "Free to Grieve" by Maureen Rank - it helped me tremendously... my miscarriages were 30 years ago, when the world was even more hush hush about this type of loss. Sending hugs and praying for your mama heart and sweet family as you process and recover.
I am sorry to for your loss and I am here grieving with you. Not trying to compare but I relate wholeheartedly to your situation. My husband and I (mostly me)have been going through fertility treatments since I could not get pregnant on my own for years. Last summer I had an ectopic pregnancy (my first pregnancy), and unfortunately the doctors could not stop the growth with medication. I had an emergency surgery and lost one of my tubes. This was around fathers day.
For a while I would cry when I heard one of my friends was expecting. I would get jealous and furious when a colleague told me they got pregnant by accident. I felt horrible for having feelings of animosity toward other couples. I felt I was less of a woman. The doctors and nursing staff were super comforting throughout out this entire process. Before I had my surgeries (I also had my fibroids removed) I had to tell my family (other readers maybe able to relate "we have a tragic surprise to share") because my with fertility treatments included weight gain and with my family medical history my mother was the most concerned for me and my marriage.
Things like this and your situation are not openly discussed and I thank you for your willingness to share. Feel your feelings, and continue to process through them. I know it was hard to share, especially those who are close to you.
*I'm about to cry again*
Here is hoping (when our bodies and minds are ready) we both can try again. Sending love your way.
Hi Christine, I know that NO amount of words - whether deep or flowery - will console you in this moment. But I’m hoping that your support system is as strong as you have been for having the courage and heart to write and post this. I have never experienced this, and like you said, nobody talks about miscarriages & I’m always so afraid to ask. Thank you again for your transparency and I hope this can start your true journey to healing. ❤️❤️
Oooooohhhhh!! Heartbreaking!!! Ooooooooohhhhhhh. (And I suspect every comment you get to this post all brings it back up again. Oh sweetheart. Sigh…) Sending so many hugs and best wishes.
Christine I’m deeply sorry to hear what happened. You were really brave, honest and profound to share such a personal and painful experience with your community. Thank you so much, be proud of yourself, you are a great person and deserve all the best. You have the strength and passion a person need to face and overcome whatever grief. Hugs.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have not experienced miscarriage but it was a small fear in the back of my mind during my first pregnancy.
In all my research and childbirth classes and doula training and prenatal care, miscarriage was barely mentioned. To experience what you described in your essay without any context or prior preparation would be really scary. How do you know what is normal during a miscarriage that looks and feels so extreme and dangerous if no one has ever prepared you for it?
You’re right that it isn’t talked about and probably because for those who have had one, it is extremely difficult to retell and for those who haven’t it’s almost a superstitious taboo, as if speaking of it will invite it into reality. Especially since miscarriages are so common the taboo needs to be lifted so we all have to the tools speak about pregnancy loss, know how to care for ourselves if it happens to us, and support each other during the process.
I hope you continue to heal and process your grief. Best wishes to you and your family.
So sorry for your loss, Christine!
Glad to see you put words to your feelings, I’m sure that’s an important part of the process of coming to terms with this experience, and you’ve done it very well here:)
Wish you and yours all the best.
Also - what’s D&C surgery?
Christine, that was very brave and straight from the heart. Big hugs to you, sister, and wishes for your healing.
That was really f*cking brave. Thank you.
Christine, such bravery and strength, to write about something so devastating. My heart goes out to you and your husband.